The thirty-something generation is shying away from marriage with
a success rate that is beyond belief. This never been married clan
seems to know better than us and seem to truly be waiting for the
right person; comfortable knowing that should he or she not appear,
tragedy will not strike. The majority grew up in single-parent households
and phrases like every other weekend and alimony ring differently
in their ears. When they think about marriage, the first thing that
comes to mind is divorce. Their memories are select and if they
aren’t walking wounded, then they are walking scar tissue but either
way, they don’t seem to be in a marriage rush, so as to not repeat
mistakes. They remember sitting as their moms cried from a place
so deep it scared them. They spent time memorizing new addresses
and phone numbers for their dads and they listened to all the fighting.
And if this isn’t what has kept them from marriage then it must
be the guilt to which they are accustomed. There can be few more
painful experiences for a young child, than to leave a crying parent
standing in the airport or bus stop as he or she leaves to go to
the “other parent’s” house for Thanksgiving, Christmas, the summer...
you name it. Growing up inside of divorce is not an easy thing to
do and it affects the relationship that people have with commitment.
Children of divorce are taught that marriage doesn’t work and that
is a tough obstacle to overcome. It is hopeful, however. Statistics
statistic-ize that generally-speaking, people are getting married
later. Which leads me to hypothesize that these unmarried thirty
somethings have not abandoned the idea of marriage altogether, but
instead are simply making good decisions. Perhaps they know themselves
a little better making it easier to share both themselves and their
space with another. We could be witnessing the revolution of marriage
as a sacred union from the very people who have suffered its collapse.
The decision to marry remains a huge decision for most. The word
“forever” really throws people off. But maybe now, as the idea of
forever becomes something a bit easier to visualize thanks to the
deteriorating nature of our world, and with having put many years
of thought into the idea, people will get married and stay happily
married, sharing old age, a history, a legacy, a life. We search
for meaning and often times, we find it in other people. A spouse,
a child... What a beautiful gift that is.
If you should get invited to a thirty something wedding, go! They
have been working for a living and they understand the value of
money. Their ceremonies tend to be a bit more humble. The 5-star
hotel turns into a Holiday Inn, turns into a Bed and Breakfast and
eventually, you’ll be in tents on some beach somewhere. The wedding
gowns are simpler, the services shorter (and lots of them are outside)
and shoes have been known to be optional.
